Monthly Archives: October 2016

There’s beauty in chaos

I feel as though there is this wonderful life trapped inside of me that I could live if only I’d allow myself. I have moments in life when I feel completely connected, empowered and at peace with myself, but then something arrives to put a spanner in the works. I’m utterly fed up of living a life dictated by others, of not believing in myself and of generally feeling that there is something I should be doing or someone I should be.

One of the good things – the pearls – that often emerge from my moments of chaos is that I am forced to re-examine what it is that makes me happy. What am I most enthusiastic about? What makes my heart sing and makes me feel like I’m experiencing heaven on earth? Well, a lot of the time it’s people. People make me happy. Not everyone, obviously, but generally speaking, I am a sociable person who likes to interact and bounce off of other people. This is something I definitely need for myself; a sense of connectedness; a feeling that I am part of something bigger than myself.

I also love anything crafty, arty or experimental. How can I have missed this obvious fact about myself? I did a lot of crafts and artwork growing up, and was very good at it. But I somehow got into the habit of thinking of myself as an academic person. I did crochet as a hobby, but it never really occurred to me to join the dots and realise that this was an essential creative outlet. Making something which I can hold and look at and show to other people gives me a huge amount of satisfaction.

I am a very tactile and visual person. I like human contact, and love to get my hands on things like plants, food (when cooking), pets, wool…

I’m quite funny – or at least I have a pretty good sense of humour. Humour takes the sting out of life and brightens up an otherwise dull day, so being equipped with this skill can surely only stand me in good stead?

There is something very obvious about me which I’ve always seen as a negative, perhaps because it doesn’t fit with modern living, but I like to always be moving towards a new goal, learning something new, or seeing/doing something for the first time. I am easily bored, basically, and cannot stay still for too long without seeing a dip in my overall happiness levels.

I wish I could know and embrace all of these things about myself all of the time, and not need constant reminders. But I guess the more chaos I experience – and the more reminders I get – the more I can move towards living an authentic life.

Bye for now peeps x